Time to Pause & Breathe

This girl needs to take a pause.

It’s taken me awhile to follow up here. I was pretty shaken with the outcome of the last transfer. I wanted to talk to my IPs first before really deciding what to do. My IPs took awhile to respond to me, and when they did – my heart broke even further. When they returned home after the transfer, they found IFs parents both in the hospital. His mother is doing somewhat better, but his fathers health is rapidly failing.

They still took the time to write me a lovely letter. I’ve often said that having international IPs works perfectly for me, but this has been a time I wished that they were closer. I want to be able to do something, to sit and grieve with them, to actually talk through what the future could hold without the constraints of email. English being their second language as well, I wonder sometimes about how what I write is interpreted.

In their email, they gave me their blessing to move on. We discussed possibilities when we were in Toronto together, and I know they had no plan to go through another retrieval. We were all hopeful for a few embryos to come out of the last retrieval, but out of the 25 retrieved eggs, there was just the one viable embryo.

In my response back to them, I let them know that I have no plans to move forward with surrogacy … however … if they decide down the road that they would like to try again, or try with an egg donor, then I would still love to be their surrogate. I just don’t have the heart to re-match with another couple, or to go through all of this again right now.

We have a lot going on here right now as well, a move that I am woefully under-prepared for – I really need to start packing … yikes! The end of school & the boys birthdays, etc. And I’m kind of looking forward to going back on my arthritis/ psoriasis meds, and maybe spending a summer without having to wear sweaters to cover my arms.

And taking the time to just … breathe.