Fluffy and Ready to Go

Last week brought the lining check, to ensure that my uterus was ready for the transfer. They like to see the lining at anything over 9 mm, I believe. Mine has been 12 mm each time I’ve had one of these procedures, and this time was no exception.

As we call it in the surro support group “nice and fluffy”.


And it means I am ready for transfer … and boy, am I ready.

I don’t say anything like “Finally!!” to the IPs. I’m well aware that my waiting has in no way compared to theirs! However, I think it was one of the many things I was very naive about when I signed up for this. I thought that the initial 3 months I needed to be off my methotrexate prior to transferring was ages! But then I would transfer, be pregnant, and the whole thing would be wrapped neatly up with a bow in like 12 months, right? Start to finish. Ha! (Did I mention … hahaha!)

Back in reality-land, though — my flight is booked for next Tuesday! Hip hip hooray!! My IM is booked for her egg retrieval tomorrow, and I start my progesterone. I’m hopeful.

Transfer is booked for Wednesday, April 1st. And if I don’t post before then, please send any and all positive thoughts you can spare that we get some good quality eggs, and “sticky thoughts” for the embryo(s) to stick!


First Time Fail

I’ll put in some back story in my next few posts, but I’ll start with where we are at today.

And that is with a BFN, as it’s called. A Big Fat Negative. It’s been a little under three weeks since the embryo transfer. This past Monday was the blood test where you get final word on the success or failure of the transfer.

It’s been emotionally trying for me- I can’t begin to imagine what it’s been like for the Intended Parents. And they aren’t saying much to me, so imagining is all I have at this point.

I don’t think I need to be their confidante or person to lean on, I’m fairly sure that isn’t my job. I’m happy to listen if needed, but at the same time- I feel like I’ve put a lot into this process already. To give myself over as a sounding board when I tend to take on other peoples emotions … well, I feel like a little distance at this point is healthy for all of us.

I don’t know where we stand for another transfer at this point. This transfer used the last two embryos they had, so it would require them finding a new egg donor. I’m not familiar with the ins and outs of that side of it. In the contract I agreed to four transfers in a year, so I’m good to go should they decide to keep trying.

Right now, I’m working on remembering that most things are just plain out of my control. And that’s ok. >