Emotional Rollercoaster

Technology, innovation, and advancements can all be wonderful things … this very process is an example of that. Sometimes though, it gets you just enough to drive you crazy.

For instance – did you know (at least where I am) that you can get signed up on a website that allows you to get your lab results online, when you get bloodwork and such done? Which is great, and as my lab technician yesterday was saying that it is a great tool for people becoming more invested and educated in their own health care. For us, it came in handy because of needing the results to go out of province – I was able to email them to the clinic myself. The downside is having the results in my hands and not understanding them quite enough.

My best understanding is as follows: beta testing checks the levels of Hcg in your blood. At certain points, that number should double every 48 hours or so. My tests went up by 63% in 48 hours. So I am pregnant, but baby isn’t growing at the rate that they like.

The fertility clinic in charge of my care is three hours ahead of my time zone, so by the time we got the results on Friday, they were almost closed & I didn’t hear back from them. I don’t know if there is hope or if there isn’t. They may ask me to re-test, or they may ask me to go off medications, which will result in the pregnancy terminating.

Again, here is another place where technology can be a blessing and a curse (side note: “blessing” just autocorrected to “bless insane” which actually seems kind of fitting). On one hand, with the Internet, you have access to infinite amounts of information on any topic imaginable. On the other hand, you have access to infinite amounts of information on any topic imaginable. So… yeah. It’s easy to find things to give you hope (false hope, perhaps?) and also to dash any hope you may have.

The past couple days (well, weeks) have been an emotional rollercoaster. I’m blessed to have chosen such wonderful IPs, who have been nothing but supportive and loving, and are just as concerned for my feelings as I am for theirs. I’m holding on to a shred of hope, waiting for word from the clinic – and holding onto the fact that I am doing this for wonderful people, and I am surrounded by a loving support network.

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