Here We Go Again

It’s early … or not … I can’t decide. My internal clock is just as confused as I am! Let’s start with: it’s around 9 am local time on Monday, August 11th. I am sitting in the reception area of a fertility clinic in Toronto. (Which happens to be three hours ahead of my time zone, and I’m making a whirlwind trip – I flew in yesterday, & back home tonight – hence the internal clock confusion).

After everything that I went through with my previous IPs, I had to do some soul searching about what to do next. On one hand was the lure of “well, I tried”, going back on my meds, and putting this all behind me. On the other hand, I still felt like I hadn’t accomplished what I wanted to, and I was still feeling the same deep-seated desire to help a couple become a family. Since I am sitting in the lobby of the fertility clinic, I’m thinking you can guess which one of those won out.

I threw my hat back into the ring, as it were, and asked the agency just to do a general send out and that I would go from there. I had it in my head that I really wanted to go with two men, rather than a man/woman couple. I just felt like it would be an easier process without dealing with a woman who felt like she needed to control me because she felt like she couldn’t control her own body. If that sounds judgy-pants, well ….

However once I started reading the current IPs profiles, I felt an immediate connection with one of them, a lovely couple (yes, man/woman after all!) from Europe … and I asked the agency owner in particular to let them know I was interested. The feeling was mutual, and all my stern talking to myself about taking it slow and really making sure we were on the same page this time went right out the window.

Three emails in, I was … well, smitten. When they asked me to be their surrogate, I jumped. I still don’t know where they stand on a lot of the big points, and quite frankly, I couldn’t be less concerned. It just feels right and like it’s all going to work out right.

So here I sit, sipping my coffee, contemplating my bad-assness for successfully navigating Toronto public transportation this morning, and waiting for my screening appointment.

Here we go again.


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