POAS’ing

Back to regular life, and as it’s called “the dreaded two week wait”. Although you can certainly do home pregnancy tests earlier than that, the official word in an embryo transfer if the beta blood test two weeks after transfer date.

Since embryos have already been developing for a few days, and of course you know exactly when they are transferred, you can do a pregnancy test pretty early.

In the online support group, there is a lot of encouragement to “POAS” (pee on a stick – with clarification that it’s likely best that the stick be of the pregnancy test variety, and not just any old stick). It can get almost peer pressure like at times, though it’s definitely meant in good fun.

There are a few different camps. The diehard POAS addicts, the non-peeing, wait-for-beta-test types, those who want to start peeing before it’s possible to get a positive, those who want to wait until it’s likely to get a positive … as with anything, there are as many theories and preferences as their are people.

Whoever is currently testing is encouraged to post pictures of their tests for scrutiny – photo enhancements, screen brightness adjustment, tilting of screens and checking photos on different devices, requests for photos taken with a light behind, tests disassembled and photos taken that way … it’s almost a sport. And someone can always “see a faint line”. To be honest, I sometimes feel as though there’s a lot of false hope given to some hormonally enhanced ladies.

I did three home tests, and I did post them for analysis, even though I could see no evidence of any kind of faint anything … and I wasn’t sure how someone could see in a photo something that wasn’t there in person. But it still raised my hopes when they manipulated my photo and “thought they could see something”. It keeps you hoping that in another day or two, you’ll get that coveted positive test.

At the end of the day, the nothing I was seeing – when looking at my tests in person – was accurate. The “if I tilt my screen this way, enhance the green colour, and invert the picture – it looks as though there is a shadow that may eventually develop into a second line” predictions proved quite false.

Truth be told, I never wanted to tell the IPs when I peed on a stick … I’m sure I would have wanted to had it turned positive. But choosing to pee and being faced with a negative- do you volunteer that information? Especially when you don’t know for sure if it’s a negative-negative, or a not-yet-positive negative.

IM ended up asking me flat out if I had tested, which solved the dilemma. I wasn’t going to lie to her.

Her response, however, challenged my hormone addled feelings … her response was a one word text:

“Cursed”

I replied and said, “What do you mean?”, and she said “I’m cursed. 15 years of trying.”

The weight of their expectations was slightly crushing. And by “slightly”, I mean “end up crying at work and having to go outside to compose myself.”

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