I know it’s only been slightly over a week since the BFN. I know patience is a virtue. It just doesn’t happen to be a virtue I possess / practice.

The voice of reason in my head tells me that this isn’t about what I want, and I’m not the one who just suffered a huge disappointment. That this process needs to be more about them and their needs, and I need to just let things unfold.

Having said that, as much as I try to listen to that voice of reason- equally loud are the voices telling me: You’ve been waiting around for 10 months. You’re 36, sliding into 37. You’ve been symptomatic with your arthritis and psoriasis for all this time you’ve been waiting, because you can’t be on meds, but nothing else seems to be working. I just want to know where I stand, already!!

Awfully selfish and whiny, those voices.

I’ll happily wait a while longer if I know we are going to proceed with another transfer. And even if we aren’t – this is still something I want to do, and if my current IP’s choose to end their journey here- I will find another couple and carry on.

Really, either way- I’ll still be waiting. Waiting for the next transfer (and the procurement of new eggs, as we used the last of the embryos), waiting to match again and go through all the testing.

I suppose I just want to know what it is I’m waiting for … and where I stand in the process. I never realized just how much waiting around this process entailed!

One thing I’ve learned is that the Universe has no intention of following the timelines I lay out in my head. And that is as true in this situation as any other. I just need to keep reminding myself of that!


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