Feeling in Limbo

I’m feeling a little out in limbo this last little bit.  It used to be that I talked regularly to my Intended Parents (IPs), especially my Intended Mother (IM).  We emailed or instant messaged pretty much every day, and we video chatted regularly.

All of a sudden that seems to have stopped, and I’m left feeling a little like I’m going to be dumped.  You know when you are all happy and excited to talk to that person you are in a relationship with, and then it gradually starts to fade and one of you starts avoiding phone calls and coming up with reasons to not see the other one?  Yeah, that’s about it.  Not that we are in a relationship, but I mentioned before this whole things feels a little like online dating?  Just rolling with the same analogy.  She doesn’t seem to be answering my emails lately, and when she does, it’s a quick line or two and that is it.  

It could be that I am being a whiny baby and not feeling fawned over, but it just seems like a pretty big change.  I don’t know what is going on with them, or why they are pulling back, so this is purely from my perspective.

We have no contract in place yet.  It’s been delayed numerous times and there always is a reason (which could very well be totally legitimate!) why I haven’t seen a copy of the draft yet.  However, I have already incurred some expenses, and now I’m a little worried!  

My IM wanted me to go to a Naturopathic doctor to help detox myself, and manage my pain and/or symptoms going off my meds for the arthritis and psoriasis.  She wanted me on fancy pre-natal vitamins, and doing a cleanse, etc.  I’m totally fine with all of it — I was happy that they were concerned about managing my symptoms.  I paid upfront for the two visits to date, and the related supplements and such.  I would probably have my hand slapped by some people for doing that.  I certainly wouldn’t be the first potential surrogate burned in a situation like this.

I sent a spreadsheet detailing my expenses to date to my IPs about three days ago, and have heard nothing to date in reply.  I’m trying not to freak out.  I’m trying not to write scripts in my head where they tell me that they are going with someone else and that I am on my own for covering these expenses!!

Despite my slight panic at current moment, I fully believe that everything happens for a reason.  If this agreement dissolves, it’s because it’s supposed to.  There are so many others out there that I could help.  If it doesn’t, and I am being a neurotic whiny pants, then it’s a good lesson for me to get out of my own head!


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